i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
