One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Drunk is not a location!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
