Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
