Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
