I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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