Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
