Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
