Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
