I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
