pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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