Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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