I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
