He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
