I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Randomize
