Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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