in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
