last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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