It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think my vagina is haunted
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
