You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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