The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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