So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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