I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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