Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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