An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
