If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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