yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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