so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
