At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
