I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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