I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
