in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
