i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
