i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
