If i come over, it means nothing
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
