So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
