So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
