I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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