If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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