I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
