I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
