So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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