I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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