enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We just shotgunned beers for America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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