Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
