I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
