I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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