She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
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I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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