so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
