Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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