Kiss
Puke
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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