Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
