Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize