dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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