It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
