My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
