Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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