I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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