What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
