He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
