nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
