Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
