Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
