Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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