I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
