from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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