Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
