Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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