Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
